Hershel, a young yeshivah boy, was about to go out on his first date. Trying not to tremble or cry, he asked a friend who was a few years older, “What am I going to talk about? I don’t have a clue what to say.” “It’s simple,” said his friend, “all you have to do is ask her three questions: first ask about family, then food, and then philosophy. This is a fool-proof formula. You won’t have to worry.”

That evening Hershel sat across the café table from the girl, silently rehearsing his lines. Finally he looked up and asked, “Okay, so do you have a brother?” “No,” she answered. Hershel nodded. What’s next? Umm, food. “So, do you like sushi?” “No,” she answered. Hershel nodded meaningfully. This was not so difficult after all! Now for the clincher: philosophy. “Ah, but if you had a brother,” Hershel paused for emphasis, “do you think he’d like sushi?”

* * *  

Ki Seitzei: Tears of Joy

In this portion, the word naara(h), , ‘young girl’, appears fourteen times.[1] In all but one of these instances, the word is spelled without a letter Hei.[2] Why is Hei missing from this word, and why is it missing thirteen times?

The Baal HaTurim says that the gematria of naar, 320, is the same as the shotah, ‘fool’. What can we learn from this, and how does all of this connect with the present month of Elul?

YOUTH
The Talmud [3] states that when the word naarah is spelled with a Hei, it refers to a girl from the age of twelve to twelve-and-a-half years. This is the age of a bat mitzvah, a girl who has become a woman according to Jewish law. However, the Talmud continues, when the word does not have a letter Hei (naara), the definition can also include a girl that is under the age of twelve, a minor.

Alternatively, the Zohar [4] says that when naara lacks a Hei, it represents a girl who has never been married. When it has a Hei, it represents a girl who has been married. Chassidus elaborates:[5] the Jewish People are like a young girl. When the Jews accept G-d in their hearts–when they are married to Him–they are complete, and they have a letter Hei.

When the Jews have not accepted G-d in their hearts, their hearts are closed and they are like a spiritual ‘virgin’. Furthermore, even if the Jews superficially accept G-d in their hearts, but never internalize their love for G-d, they are still considered to be a like a virgin or a minor.

THIRTEEN NAARAS
The Alter Rebbe tells us,[6] that in the month of Elul, the Thirteen Attributes of Divine Mercy are raining down upon the Jewish people. Therefore, everyone who has a specific request of G-d should ask that their need be fulfilled. The King is in the Field.[7]

The thirteen naaras without a Hei hint to the Thirteen Attributes, for lacking the letter Hei, they are flawed and in need of G-d’s mercy. The Thirteen Attributes are the G-dly powers that can repair any mistake or sin.

RETURNING THE HEI
Elul is also the month of teshuvah,[8] repentance, as is hinted earlier in the portion:[9] “She (the soul) will cry for her father and mother for thirty days.” It’s easy and propitious to perform repentance during this month.

Homiletically, the word teshuvah can be read, ‘tashuv-Hei‘, meaning, ‘returning the Hei’. Therefore, through repentance and accepting G-d into our hearts, we can restore the letter Hei to naara and make it complete.

OPEN-DOOR POLICY
How is it possible for a Jew, a child of G-d, to sin? As the Talmud says,[10] “A person does not sin unless a spirit of folly enters him.” In other words, if a person’s acceptance or love of G-d is superficial, and therefore he has not internalized G-d’s presence, a void forms that allows the spirit of folly to enter and take over. He does not see the ‘Hei’ of G-dliness in the world, nor does he see the consequences of his immature behavior. Thus he acts with the innocent ‘foolishness’ of a minor.

Then, the month of Elul arrives and this person realizes that he has to attempt teshuvah. In his immature state, however, he begins to make wanton accusations against his own soul:[11] ‘I’m too far gone. G-d will never accept me.’

G-d is a loving King. Like an unconditionally patient parent, G-d says, ‘My door is always open to you. I want you to know this ‘sin’ wasn’t your fault–you’re simply a minor–you didn’t know better. It was just naarishkeit. Please return to me. I love you.’

TEARFUL REUNION
G-d looks upon each of our souls like a naara without a Hei, one who is too young to be fully responsible for her actions. Certainly, compared to G-d’s ‘age’ of infinity, we’re minors. What’s more, the Kabbalah suggests that a Jew can only sin with the lower levels of the soul. The higher levels of the soul can never be tarnished, and they remain intact and pure. The essence of our soul is always ‘married’ to G-d.

Therefore, the task of Elul is a joyful one: opening our hearts to internalize the Hei of G-d’s name and dissolving any naiveté in our relationship to G-d. The tears we weep these thirty days should be tears of joy, like the tears of a girl who has been reconciled with her beloved.

A STORY [12]
Devorah, a young Israeli yeshiva girl, waited expectantly in front of her home for a shidduch date. His name was Yechiel, and he sounded like a perfect match. Every few minutes a car passed by, each one making her heart pound, but none stopped. Eventually it became clear that Yechiel was not going to show up. Devorah spent that night weeping, but in the morning she resolved to let go and move on with her life.

Eventually, both Devorah and Yechiel married other people. Devorah had children with her spouse while Yechiel and his spouse were childless. Almost ten years had passed, and after trying everything in their power to have children, they met a friend who asked them if they ever wrote to the Lubavitcher Rebbe in New York. Yechiel was skeptical that a rabbi he’d never met could help them with such an intimate matter, but he wrote to the Rebbe. Soon Yechiel received a letter in response. The Rebbe asked, ‘Have you ever embarrassed or hurt the feelings of a potential shidduch? If so, you should ask for her forgiveness.’

Yechiel was jolted by the response, and recalled his regretfully immature behavior many years ago. He obtained Devorah’s phone number, and reached her. Devorah was immediately forgiving. “What you don’t know,” she said, “was that when I heard that you hadn’t had children, I began praying for you and your wife whenever I lit my Shabbos candles. Of course I forgive you. You were just a boy (naar), you didn’t know what you were doing.” A year later, Yechiel and his wife were blessed with a child.

ACTION:If there is someone whom you may have hurt, sincerely ask their forgiveness. You will then be able to internalize the great blessings of Elul.

FOOTNOTES
[1] Deuteronomy, 22:15-29
[2] Regarding the one time that naarah has a Hei, see Talmud, Kesubos 40b.
[3] Ibid.
[4] Zohar, Bo, p. 28b
[5] The constellation of the Zodiac corresponding with Elul is Virgo. Virgo represents teshuvah, for a person can repent to the degree that they are like an innocent youth. However, the concept inside is a little different.
[6] Lekutei Torah: Tzav, p. 9d
[7] See my commentary on Parshas Shoftim.
[8] See HaYom Yom, Tishrei 3 through 8.
[9] Deuteronomy, 21:13
[10] Sotah, 3a. See also Likutei Sichos, Vol. 2, Naso.
[11] See Deuteronomy, 22:13.
[12] I heard this story from “Devorah’s” husband.