A mother, giving her daughter words of encouragement right before the wedding, tells her, “Remember, marriage will bring you three rings: an engagement ring, a marriage ring, and suffer-ring.”

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Toldos: A Blueprint for Marriage

In last week’s parsha, the Torah tells us the story of the marriage of Yitzchak and Rivkah, ‘the first Jewish couple’. In this week’s parsha, we learn about the birth of their children.

FORTY AND SIXTY
The Torah says Yitzchak was 40 years old when he married Rivkah and was 60 years old when his children were born.[1]Yet, the text does not make mention of Rivkah’s age at all. This incongruency suggests that the age of Yitzhak and Rivkah may not be the Torah’s main concern. In fact, the numbers 40 and 60 may not be describing a timeline only, rather they may also be communicating a deeper message about marriage and having children. What is the message?

The Torah begins this parsha with the verse, “These are the offspring of Yitzchak….”[2] The Hebrew word for offspring is toldos, . Here, the word is spelled with one Vav. Yet, in the Book of Ruth, we find that the word toldos is spelled with two Vavs.[3] What does this discrepancy teach us?

Another mysterious fact: in this parsha, it says that Rivkah was pregnant with twins, somim, .[4] We would expect this word to be spelled with an Alef.[5] Rashi tells us that the reason somim is incomplete is that one of Rivkah’s twins was not a righteous person. But why does the Torah omit the Alef in particular, rather than another letter?[6]

A PLACE OF UNDERSTANDING
When we bless a bride and groom at their wedding, we say, may they endure a “binyan adei ad,” an everlasting edifice, or home.[7] If you’re going to build a home, you need a blueprint. The blueprint of every Jewish home is the Torah, and specifically, the laws of the Torah. Law is unshakable. By contrast, the Talmud flows with diverse opinions and arguments, and even when they sharply contradict each other, we still consider all of them valid: “These and these are the words of the Living G-d.” Law is firm and stable like the foundation of a building. To be ordained as a “rabbi”, one who has mastered and teaches Jewish law, one must be 40 years old.[8] This is known as the age of bina, understanding.[9] In order to marry Rivkah and help her build a Jewish home, Yitzchak must first reach the age of 40. This tells us that the trait of understanding-in particular, understanding the needs of your spouse-is the foundation of a Jewish marriage, and a Jewish home. Furthermore, the home (marriage) is built on Torah law, which is eternal and unshakable. For this reason, it is the Chabad custom for a man to be ordained as a Rabbi before he marries and to be called to the Torah the Shabbos before marriage.[10]    

JEWISH CONTINUITY
The number 60 represents the power of infinity, fertility, and continuity.[11]In Hebrew, 60 is written as the letter Samach. The graphic design of Samach is like a wedding ring, or a never-ending circle, standing for the Ein Sof, the Endless Light that surrounds us, as we continuously move toward fulfilling our purpose in the world.

When Yitzchak reaches the age of 60, it means G-d has given him the power to continue the generations of the Jewish People. This is why the word toldos has one Vav instead of two. The letter Vav also signifies continuity. This power of continuity will only be with one of the twins: Yaakov, the righteous son, and not Eisav, the unrighteous son.

This is also why the word somim is missing an Alef. Alef means Alufei shel Olam, Master of the Universe.[12] Eisav was missing an understanding of the Master of the Universe. The very first law in the Kitzur Shulchan Aruch is “Place G-d before you always.” Unfortunately, Eisav failed to follow this law.

Yitzchak paved the way to marrying at ’40′, and begetting children at ’60′. We, the children of Yitzchak, have inherited his spiritual genes and achievements. Therefore, we do not have to wait until the age of 40 to marry, or 60 in order to have children. At the age of 18,[13] we already have the capacity to do both of these mitzvos. Furthermore, as we near the Coming of Mashiach, we are beginning to have a foretaste of the World to Come,[14] an era when the knowledge of G-d will fill the whole world as the waters cover the sea.[15] Because of this foretaste, we are now able to acquire spiritual understanding more rapidly than ever before in history. We can even become rabbis, or masters of life’s blueprint, at a much earlier age.

THE FINAL BREAKTHROUGH
In the Book of Ruth, the word toldos is used with regards to the birth of Peretz, the ancestor of Mashiach. Here, toldoshas two Vavs, for when Mashiach comes, Eisav will be transformed into a righteous proponent of Yaakov. Then, the purpose of Jewish continuity will be fulfilled, for both children of Rivkah our Mother will follow the blueprint of Creation and serve their Master.

Even during our exiles and up until today, the Jewish People have sustained two essential paths, corresponding to the two Vavs. We have upheld Yaakov’s path of Torah study and prayer, and we have upheld Eisav’s ultimate path of refraining from unrighteousness, and transforming darkness into light. Both of these paths will, in the end, testify to the spiritual perfection of the Jewish People. These paths will also lead us to embody the meaning of the word Peretz, ‘breach’, or to break through. May we break through the walls of Exile, now, mamash!

STORY
A man living in Israel had been married to his wife for ten years. Unfortunately, the couple had not been blessed with children. He was advised by leading authorities in Israel to divorce his wife. After doing so, he learned that his wife was expecting his baby. He had a dilemma. He was a Cohen and could not marry a divorcee, not even his own. He went back to the leading authorities to ask for permission to remarry, but to no avail. Finally, a friend of his suggested he travel to Brooklyn, New York and speak directly to the Lubavitcher Rebbe: “If there is anyone who can help you, it’s he.”

It was customary on Sunday mornings for The Rebbe to distribute dollar bills and blessings to all those who came to see him. After waiting in line with the others, the man from Israel approached the Rebbe and stated, “I just divorced my wife, and now found out she’s pregnant. However, I’m a Cohen.”

The Rebbe replied, “Ask your mother.”

After leaving the line, the man’s thoughts were in turmoil. “Ask your mother…?” The man felt cheated with such a response. He had expected to be given an exemption to remarry his wife, based on a novel insight on a halachic ruling or responsum, but all he got was to ask his mother! When he shared his experience with the Chassidim standing around, he was told, “If the Rebbe told you to ask your mother, then you need to ask your mother.”

Puzzled, the man decided to call his mother in Israel and related to her what happened. There was a momentary silence on the other side of the telephone line. Then the mother responded, “How did the Rebbe know…that you were adopted!”

Learning that he was not really a Cohen, but adopted, the man remarried his wife.

ACTION: Do a mitzvah today: introduce your unmarried friend to a potential soul mate.

FOOTNOTES
[1] Genesis, 25: 20, 25
[2] Genesis, 25:19
[3] Ruth, 4:18
[4] Genesis, 25:24
[5] See Even Ezra on above passage.
[6] See Likutei Sichos, Vol. 30, p. 110, fn 4.
[7] Kesubos, 8a. See also the Siddur, “Blessings of Betrothal and Marriage”.
[8] Rama, Yoreh Deah, Ch. 242:31
[9] Ethics of Our Fathers, Ch. 5:22
[10] See Likutei Sichos, Vol. 1, toldos, Sec. 17-21.
[11] See Sefer HaSichos 5750, Toldos, sec. 7.
[12] Sefer Ha’erchim Chabad, “Osiyos”, on Alef.
[13] See Ethics of Our Fathers, Ch. 5:22.
[14] Alter Rebbe’s Shulchan Aruch: Orach Chayim, 250:8
[15] See Rambam, Laws of Kings, final law.